Children Of The Deterrent (Halfhero Book 1) by Ian W. Sainsbury

Author:Ian W. Sainsbury [Sainsbury, Ian W.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2017-12-14T22:00:00+00:00

23

Cressida

November 13th, 1978

It's been a horrible couple of months. I haven't felt like writing at all. Everything is going wrong, but I am powerless to do anything about it. I keep reminding myself that I am working for my country, that national security is at stake, and that my opinion counts for nothing in Station.

But still.

Abos has changed.

I didn't notice much the first few times I was allowed to speak to him. With Carstairs present. It was the fourth Friday meeting that upset me.

The first thing I noticed over the weeks was that Abos was asking even fewer questions. I've got used to leaving gaps after telling him something so that he can digest it then ask a question. He's stopped doing that. He seems much less curious about the outside world than before.

Oh. I have to be honest, don't I? This is my diary, after all. It's the way he looks at me that's the real problem. Or rather, the way he looks at me compared to the way he used to look at me. On the third Friday, he didn't make much eye contact at all. Then, the following Friday, he actually looked me up and down. In a kind of calculating way. Oh, God, Cress, just say it. It was sexual. The look he gave me lingered on my breasts. I was horribly uncomfortable, it just felt inappropriate. Then I glanced at Carstairs and felt worse. He was watching Abos's face with interest and making notes.

Someone else has taken over Abos's education. I had assumed that would happen. It's not as if I'm remotely qualified. But I still felt hurt. I'm struggling to come to terms with my diminished role in Abos's life, and having him look at me like I was a piece of meat really didn't help.

I say 'education,' but I'm not sure that it's the correct word. Abos talked a little about what he had learned recently. He spoke about the British Empire, but as he spoke, it became clear that he considered the Empire to have been a golden age. According to Abos, the world at large had misunderstood Great Britain's colonial incursions, by considering them as hostile and damaging to the countries affected. On the contrary, he told me, the world had missed an opportunity to embrace the values of the greatest nation on the planet. To listen to him, you'd think they should approach us, cap in hand, begging for the opportunity to put the queen on their banknotes and start drinking tea.

During this horribly skewed diatribe, I looked across at Carstairs again. He shook his head. I'm still on probation, was the unspoken warning. I didn't know what to do. I still don't. So they're giving him a white-washed version of our nation's history. It can't hurt, can it? Abos was speaking from the moment he was 'born', so I'm confident he's intelligent enough to draw his own conclusions. He's no pushover.

Except...he's changed. He was looking at Carstairs for approval occasionally.

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